So…where did I go, what have I been up to

Oh…My…God….A post written by himself instead of a reblog…..he must be sick


Actually no, I am feeling fine thank you. But yes, I have been AWOL for a while. Both here as on Facebook and I had my reasons for it. A lot has happened in my personal life that made I had no desire to blog about whatever. I was not my happy self, my viewpoints got mangled and in some cases my fate in humanity was totally gone.

Good things happened as well though and new ways to unwind have been found. As a long time gamer I found my refuge in that and I went back to a hardcore gaming time. I have rediscovered a nice game called Train Simulator 2015 (currently, if you read this after Sept 17th 2015 it is Train Simulator 2016) And as always, if I get into something I get into it totally so I also went onto the steam forums and became an asker

How to do this, how to do that, why is this not possible, why is that happening. You know…the nosy Mav you have seen when I started blogging 🙂 As I am fairly good with computers and software it didn’t take long before I knew the inside out of the game when it comes to running it, keep it running, solving simple bugs and that sort of thing. My train driving is off course still horrible 🙂 As it stands now, I have created a few guides on problem solving, I “rediscovered” and remade the install tutorial for a “lost” route and I am fairly active in the steam forums. It can be nice to have a change of environment in real life and so that counts for a digital life as well.

I discovered Steam engines. Let me tell you how I hated them first. Getting a steam engine to run was an impossible task. Until I found HER

This is an amazing engine, it is the Union Pacific FEF-3 #844 made by Smokebox. This is by far the best simulated engine in the entire game. Almost every knob, lever and water glass works, it has over a hundred animations just for the cab and everything that moves when in cab view also move when looking from outside inside. All the windows open, the two doors behind the crew open. The tender toolboxes and water inlet open, the roof hatch opens, I can go on and on. There are a few ways to get it moving. There is the HUD version as shown in the videos that allow you to run it in a fairly simple way using the onscreen HUD. Still not easy but with some practice you can do it. There is also an advanced version, no HUD here, either keyboard shortcuts or actually moving what needs to be moved with the mouse is what is needed here. I am not advanced yet 🙂

Besides that there is the option to manually fire the engine or have that done by the automated fireman. The fact that not the default in game fireman is used but Smokebox made a special advanced fireman script for it should be testament on how difficult that must be….I don’t manually fire yet, that might be obvious

Another thing that I really like in the game are the US diesels. (Most) of the big US companies are available in game. Union Pacific, Southern Pacific, Norfolk Southern, Canadian National etc. If you happen to live in the USA you also have BNSF to your disposal. Although I do own a few BNSF it is no longer available for sale for non US players (not even Canadians) It might be clear, the community is not happy about this.

In fact, you might be able to help in this. A petition to BNSF and DTG (the developer of the simulation) has been made and you could help by signing it. Off course I fully understand if you don’t but I would appreciate it


I hope to get blogging myself a bit more as well 🙂 Till next time

WOOOHOO 200 tytytytyty


I am proud to say that The crazy bag lady has found it in her heart to click and press on the “follow” button and thus she became my 200th follower. What can I say but thank you to my 200 followers and the many readers that pass by and read but don’t follow. Thanks for visiting my blog and putting up with my rants and “tree-hugging and new age-ish” way of writing here (well, I think I come across like that, if not I might be doing something wrong…or right…)

It is with great pleasure that I have written here, I had a blogspot thing in the past as well and I never got a hit there, well…very few anyway, so I didn’t even try it anymore in the end. However, if I am not mistaken (I will know after hitting Publish) I am working on my 222nd entry for Mavadelos Mindscape and (with loads of help) running a Facebook share group .

edit:: had to cramp it in


Thank you my friends I hope you will visit me for many more blogs to come. I am honored by your visits and interest. Blog On


I missed you….. oh and I made something new

I missed you…. and you, and you too, and even you…yes…you. 

As you might have seen I have been away for a while and posted hardly anything until my recent “dark postings” on the 7th. These postings were written as sort of closure for the last few months. 

I was feeling depressed, severely, and that doesn’t happen to me often and since I am not one to show my “negative” emotions in public (or even to friends and loved ones) I had to deal with it on my own. Heck for the longest time even my wife didn’t know.

As I am a positive and happy person in general and I have no problem with giving my love to people, depressions are inevitable to balance my life, get rid of things that got piling up and free myself from this negativity that was building up. I have been there before and it was due so to say.

When I was a kid, I got these depressions once every two or three years and they lasted for two or three weeks. However since the last 15 years (amazingly enough the number of years I have been married so far 🙂 ) I hadn’t had one. So it was not surprising that my last one has been a long one.

Is it over? Not sure, I thought it was over like 2 weeks ago and it came back with a vengeance, but for now I feel good

Although I have had this episode I have not been sitting on my hands. Ihave been busy on the net creating my own “business” which is a website maintenance and pc support thingy especially for those with a tiny wallet. Non profit organisations can hire me for cheap to have me set up and maintain a website for them. Private people can hire me for cheap to maintain their computer system for them if they are unable to do that themselves for whatever reason. However for those that just don’t know how but are smart enough to learn (and willing) they can get all that info (and soon tutorials) for free on my website and I work mainly with freeware although some programs also have pro versions like Advanced System Care for example.. And finally I offer live chat support for general questions and quick fix solutions if applicable but that is more as extra service “when I have the time for it”  The site is in Dutch but has Google site translate intergrated and the free help sections might have their own English version soon as well. I can’t of course give physical hands on solutions to everyone but I can give advice and help online to everyone in need that is capable of speaking English or Dutch of course :D. If you are interested in taking a look you are welcome to do so at Wolfden Media

So Yeah, I have been busy also which I think will have helped a bit getting rid of this depression as well and because of that I can honestly say the following


What the bleep is wrong with people

What in the name of {fill in name of deity of choice} is wrong with people.

Florida Couple Fined $700, Threatened With Jail For Feeding Hot Meals To Homeless

that is the headline on this post on the Huffington Post . People getting fined and possibly going to jail for giving other people food. I read the article and the comments and I am just gob smacked.  When looking at their Facebook page I noticed it is some sort of Christian mission that they belong to, as far as I know it is sort of duty for a Christian to do these type of things. Actually for every one of course but the Bible specifically speaks about such things and I am not familiar enough to tell you if the same goes for other “Holy books” like the Quran or the Bhagavad Gita.

I don’t think I already told about my “religious views” beside the fact I kind of not like religion to begin with. Now I have nothing against people that believe nor against individuals within these organizations, more against the indoctrination that has creeped in over the millennia. Do I believe in a higher power that for lack of a better word could be called “God”?  yeah, although for all I care you call him Joe or Jane. Do I believe in Jesus?..yeah I do but not in the same way as most Christians do.I believe a person like Jesus has existed and that he has shown us how we are supposed to live.I don’t believe he is “THE Son of God”, I do however think he is “A Son of God” as we all are his children. I also think there is a small part in the Bible where he lays out the story about what we need to do to “claim” our spot in heaven, or in terms I see most Christians like …”On which grounds we will be Judged”

Mathew 25

The Sheep and the Goats

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

So you see, You can consider yourself Christian and point your finger towards atheists, LGBT people, Muslims or “Cristian Black sheep” like me and say we will all go to Hell because we do this or that but you are wrong, you are dead wrong and if ANYTHING that you believe in is true you are in danger to lose your place on the right hand.

The good Lord will not look who you married, he will look who you gave water

The good Lord will not look what you smoked or drank, he will look who you fed

The good Lord will not look what you have read, he will look who you gave a place to sleep

The good Lord will not look if you shop on Sunday (or Saturday for some others), he will look who you visited that was sick or in jail

The good Lord will probably not even CARE if you believed in him or not, if you followed Jesus or not, he will care if YOU CARED. IF we all are his Children he will not send people to hell for what they believe or who they love, he will look kindly upon those that did show they understood what it means to be the caretakers of this world and everything/body on it

I hope and pray that there will be a time that we all understand this message, saying you are Christian and love your neighbor is one thing, showing is another. Please look at yourself and look deep inside? Would you qualify for the right side or the left. It’s not to late to change your ways

Every Day Heroes: Mothers


It is almost mother day so I thought I dedicate an every day heroes post to mothers. It actually is kind of funny I do this since my biological mother didn’t want me and my foster mother,.. well, she raised me and gave me all I needed, She loved me tat I am sure off but a son? no after the first few years and certainly after I became homeless I never got the feeling that I was her son. |I love her to dead though and I have a huge respect for her and my foster dad, she gave me all I needed and more out of the goodness of her heart with no strings attached as you might expect from a mother I guess my own path in life has something to do with the feelings I have about “not feeling a son” and I have decided a long time ago to not hold that against her.

What is a mother::Etymology

The modern English word is from Middle English moder, from Old English mōdor, from Proto-Germanic *mōdēr (cf. East Frisian muur, Dutch moeder, German Mutter), from Proto-Indo-European *méh₂tēr (cf. Irish máthair, Tocharian A mācar, B mācer, Lithuanian mótė). Other cognates include Latin māter, Greek μήτηρ, Common Slavic *mati (thence Russian мать (mat’)), Persian مادر (madar), and Sanskrit मातृ (mātṛ).

Biological mother
In the case of a mammal such as a human, a pregnant woman gestates a fertilized ovum (the “egg”). A fetus develops from the viable fertilized ovum, resulting in an embryo. Gestation occurs in the woman’s uterus from conception until the fetus (assuming it is carried to term) is sufficiently developed to be born. The woman experiences labor and gives birth. Usually, once the baby is born, the mother produces milk via the lactation process. The mother’s breast milk is the source of anti-bodies for the infant’s immune system and commonly the sole source of nutrition for the first year or more of the child’s life.

Non-biological mother
Mother can often apply to a woman other than the biological parent, especially if she fulfills the main social role in raising the child. This is commonly either an adoptive mother or a stepmother (the biologically unrelated wife of a child’s father). The term “othermother” or “other mother” is also used in some contexts for women who provide care for a child not biologically their own in addition to the child’s primary mother.

Adoption, in various forms, has been practiced throughout history. Modern systems of adoption, arising in the 20th century, tend to be governed by comprehensive statutes and regulations. In recent decades, international adoptions have become more and more common.

Adoption in the United States is common and relatively easy from a legal point of view (compared to other Western countries). In 2001, with over 127,000 adoptions, the US accounted for nearly half of the total number of adoptions worldwide.

Motherhood in same-sex relationships
The possibility for lesbian and bisexual women in same-sex relationships (or without a partner) to become mothers has increased over the past few decades thanks to new technology. Modern lesbian parenting (a term that somewhat erases the bisexual case) originated with women who were in heterosexual relationships who later identified as lesbian or bisexual, as changing attitudes provided more acceptance for non-heterosexual relationships. Another way for such women to become mothers is through adopting and/or foster parenting. There is also the option of self-insemination and clinically assisted donor insemination, forms of artificial insemination. As fertility technology has advanced, more women not in a heterosexual relationship have become mothers through in vitro fertilization. Note that in the Netherlands it recently became much easier for Lesbian couples to be equal parents for the child (as in same sex marriages) without the need of long lasting expensive legal procedures. (as an extra note to all religious nutcases that ar against same sex marriage and motherhood )

The proverbial “first word” of an infant often sounds like “ma” or “mama”. This strong association of that sound with “mother” has persisted in nearly every language on earth, countering the natural localization of language.

Familiar or colloquial terms for mother in English are:

Aama, Mata used in Nepal
Mom and mommy are used in the United States, Canada, South Africa, Philippines, India and parts of the West Midlands including Birmingham in the United Kingdom.
Mum and mummy are used in the United Kingdom, Canada, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, India, Pakistan, Hong Kong and Ireland. Charles, Prince of Wales publicly addressed his mother Queen Elizabeth II as “Mummy” on the occasion of her Diamond Jubilee.
Ma, mam, and mammy are used in Netherlands, Ireland, the Northern areas of the United Kingdom, and Wales; it is also used in some areas of the United States.
In many other languages, similar pronunciations apply:

Synonyms and translations

Maa, aai, amma, and mata are used in India
Mamá, mama, ma, and mami in Spanish
Mama in Polish, German, Russian and Slovak
Māma (妈妈/媽媽) in Chinese
Máma in Czech and in Ukrainian
Maman in French and Persian
Ma, mama in Indonesian
Mamaí, mam in Irish
Mamma in Italian, Icelandic, Latvian and Swedish
Māman or mādar in Persian
Mamãe or mãe in Portuguese
Mā̃ (ਮਾਂ) in Punjabi
Mama in Swahili
Em (אם) in Hebrew
Ima (אמא) in Aramaic
Má or mẹ in Vietnamese
Mam in Welsh
Eomma (엄마, pronounced [ʌmma]) in Korean
In many south Asian cultures and the Middle East, the mother is known as amma, oma, ammi or “ummi”, or variations thereof. Many times, these terms denote affection or a maternal role in a child’s life.

The most famous mother in history (regardless if you are religious or not) must have been the virgin Mary,Did you know that the immaculate conception has nothing to do with her being a virgin or not? It has to do with the fact that she was free of the original sin (or so the bible says)

Do you still have your mother around? Then make sure that on Mothers Day she is the star of the day. Do I hear you saying that you don’t follow these commercially founded celebrations? Then remember this… A breakfast on bed, An extra hug, doing the dishes or vacuuming, this all has nothing to do with commercially but only with showing appreciation and love and thanks for that what she is doing 24/7 year long.Honor your mother, she deserves it.


The Walk

As you might know I am an “informal caregiver” (also called voluntary or family caregiver) for my wife. She is bound to wheelchair and bed basically and needs help with some of the things “we healthy” people take for granted like getting washing/showering, getting dressed, getting to the toilet, cleaning, cooking.. well basically all the things you do in and around the house. Of course the household things, well I think there are a lot of mothers out there that have to do them alone as well. You want your house clean and tidy, you want clean clothes and nice food. Shopping has to be done and so on and so on.

However living with a disabled person takes of course much more of you then just the household chores. Like I said, there are the hygiene parts as washing and going to the toilet. There is traveling of course, where ever she wants to go she will need me to get her there. Since we don’t have a car we are depending on walking and public transport. Going to a café or restaurant is a crime because in my town many of the good places are not accessible for people in a wheelchair because it is either to small or it is not based on “ground floor” (you might remember I told about the “wharfs” we have along the canals, they can’t often be reached by wheelchair.

Of course I do this gladly for her, after all when we married I promised her “in good and bad times, in sickness and health” right?. However this leaves me little time for myself. Even when writing a blog for example, or playing a game there is always things that come in between. I guess it is something that other caregivers will be familiar with as well.

However every one needs time for him/herself and it is important to find a way that you have that time. For me that time is during “the walk”

Several nights a week I go to “my bro” to have a laugh, play some games together or just have a talk. Since I live in a small town I always go by foot and it takes me about 30 minutes to get there. When I am walking I am free, I am alone with my thoughts and I can wind down a bit. I might be thinking about my next blog (of which 90% never sees the light of day funny enough), I might be just enjoying the weather. Since I live next to a big canal I often sit down at the water for a while looking at ships passing by or children playing. The walk for me is the most important time of the day. it is an hour (I have to get back home again also of course) that is mine alone in which I can be myself without having to consider others.

Are you a caregiver with similar issues? what is your “walk”, do you take enough of those walks? Remember, if you have the full time care of someone that it is very important to have this time. If you currently do not have it, make it a point to create it. It doesn’t have to be a walk, you can go shoot some pool if you like to do that or go swimming. However make it something that you can do in the limited time you have and that it is something you like to do very much. It is in the best interest of yourself and those you take care off.

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.”
— Francesca Reigler

Following is for all the caregivers out there. Thank you for what you do.

The Caregiver’s Song
By Celia
© 2011 Red Granite Goddess ASCAP

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

The rollercoaster you’ve been on with me.

And for the times I’m not easy.

I am sorry.

There’s a blessing in heartache.

There is love beyond pain.

I take nothing for granted.

And I’ll never be the same.

Thank You.


For Caring for me.

You are my family.

It’s not easy feeling broken.

But I want the word to see.

How you have cared for me.

I wish you could see what I see

As you prepare for the worst.

Wish you could know that I know

How you silently hurt.

There’s a gift in the healing.

Though it doesn’t seem fair.

But now I can face anything.

Just knowing you are there.

Thank You.


For Caring for me.

For when despair becomes belief.

For all the promises you keep.

For all the words that I can’t speak.

Thank you for caring for me.

For me.


And Oh, you’re my anchor.

And Oh, you’re my solid ground.

And Oh, you’re my angel.

My heart is full beyond profound.


Thank You. Thank You.


For Carrying me.

For when your hope becomes your grief.

I get all the sympathy.

But I need this world to see.

To see you. And how you have cared

For me.


from For The Asking, released 02 February 2012
Guitar & Voice: Celia
Piano: Jonathan Best
Cello: Betsy Tinney

To my Sishtranians

I hope I wrote it right this time Patty?

I made this for two amazing ladies. These girls have become my sisters from another mister in an amazingly short time. I love them both very much and actually had the absolute pleasure to meet one of them in person. As you know, I am not a big poet but I thought I try to make a little tribute to them both.

These are called an Achrosticon or name rhyme


Jolly words and rhymes to frown

Under this name she writes them down

Surely you will love her style

To read them all will take a while

Posts are written on her site

All the words do feel so right

To read here is a treat for me

The poems are for all to see

Yes this is a girl with might


Here is a poem about my friend

Our Doc is quickly starting a trend

Racing through her blogs each day

Till evening falls and she goes away

You keep returning till the end

Rest assure she blogs with love

Every day she goes above

Xanax you don’t need with that

And please don’t feed them to your cat

Cause Doc won’t have it, we are all one

Hey Doc I hope you liked the pun

3 Months

Yes, I just checked when I posted my first post on this blog and that has been exactly 3 months ago. well… and a day when we go by date, but I made that post late at night (as I usually do) so… 3 months.

In that month I made 144 published posts, 7 drafts. It brought me 1904 views with the USA leading at 868 followed by the Netherlands with 235, the UK (probably 90% Scotland though) with 163 and Canada with 141 with a total of 43 countries. Oh and let’s not forget 134 Blog followers and 1 email only follower……. So far the numbers.

What is way more important is that I have gained so much from these 3 months. I made friends, Joined a pack, joined a facebook group, became a moderator for that group, started a blog for that group, started a blog for my alterego Whizzy. Got a bunch of awards (some work left with acceptance post) Made a bunch of awards. Discovered I could kinda write, started to try and write a book. Got two autographed books from a new friend that writes amazing and that I wouldn’t have discovered were it not for this blog.

And so we are at this point. I consider the blog still a work in progress when it comes to the final direction it will take but seeing the above numbers I think I can take it that I do something write….uh…..right.

How can I not take a moment to thank you, the reader of this article, the follower of my blog and the commenter on the pages (regardless if you are just one or all of these). I thank you for your time and attention, I thank you for your kind words in the comments, I thank you for your reblogs, I thank you for your follows. Without you all this would just be ” another personal journal” but it has become more than that because of you.

Thank you my wolfpack for taking me in. I know we have some bumps in the road but we will prevail and come out stronger than ever. I love you all, we are one. Ed, Patty, Horty, Brian

I don’t know about ” blog songs” but I guess in music the rappers are the bloggers for me so I think this one is for you all enjoy

10,847 days and counting

10,847 days Or 29 years, 8 months, 12 days, or

  • 937,180,800 seconds
  • 15,619,680 minutes
  • 260,328 hours
  • 1549 weeks (rounded down)

Did I mention that I am a pothead? I am a pothead and tripper for 10,847 days now. and it will be only 111 days until I have my tricentenial aniversary.

30 years on pot and hashish mushrooms and LSD (although the last two have become a rarity for me to use nowadays), it has been a journey and it has not been finished just yet. Many things have changed since I started smoking. For example, when I started, there was not a place in Holland where they cared of what your age was. Coffeeshops where not much around and in most places the pot was bought at a so called “House Dealer”. These were man that sold the stuff from within the privacy of their own homes and I can’t recall the number of times I came into such a house to be greeted by a bunch of very high and/or stoned people sitting around a table with on the table the following items.

Owning a gun is illegal in my country btw 😉

It was during my stay in the smaller towns that I visited house dealers. When in Utrecht I always went to one of the most legendary coffeeshops in the world. No I am not talking about the Bullshit…uh…Bulldog, I am talking about Sarasani

As you can see, Sarasani was founded in 1968 and is regarded to be the first coffeeshop in the Netherlands, it was exactly 2 weeks older than me and I was born within about a 100 yeards from it. It was a place where everyone was welcome regardless if you bought something or just came in for free coffee, apples and a place to hang out. It was located in a warf cellar, small but long with a podium at the end and a big filmscreen on the wall behind the podium where 60’s 70’s and 80’s music was played during opening hours

Unfortunatelly Sara (as it was called in town) was closed down in 2007 after the owner was tricked by the police to sell a few kilo’s of marijuanna, this methode is, unlike in the USA, not allowed in the Netherlands but the judge decided to “overlook” that fact.

I am sure that with the way I have lived my life, without the Mary J I would have gone insane and would probably not have done the things I have done and achieved what I have achieved. I understand that for many people outside the Netherlands this must be a strange concept. Weed after all is a drug, a gateway drug no less….. that is what is being told and repeated over and over again, well it just ain’t true. It is totally depending on the person using it. Just like with alcohol, most people can handle it, some can’t.

Let us check a few myths to close my article

Myth: Holland and Portugal have legalized marijuana

Fact: The Dutch have never formally legalized marijuana. They have an official policy, since 1976, of not enforcing existing laws against possession of small amounts or coffee shops, about 700 of them, selling small amounts. But growing, distributing and importing pot is still a crime in the Netherlands. While Portugal decriminalized all drugs, that is not the same thing as legalization. Acquisition, possession and use of pot are administrative offenses in Portugal, punishable by civil sanctions such as fines or community service.

Myth: Marijuana use leads to dependence or addiction

Fact: It’s possible to become dependent on marijuana, but this only happens in a minority of the already relatively small category of heavy users. Research suggests that about nine percent of marijuana users became clinically dependent at some point, compared to 15 percent of cocaine users and 24 percent of heroin users.

Myth: Marijuana is completely harmless

Fact: Heavy use can be harmful. Since pot smoke is chemically very similar to tobacco smoke, heavy pot smokers are at risk for some of the same health effects as cigarette smokers, like bronchitis and other respiratory illnesses. Again, though, the risks are from smoking, which isn’t the only way to use marijuana. Another hazard: car accidents caused by driving while high, though the risk is lower than from drunk driving.

Myth: Marijuana is a dangerous drug

Fact: Study after study has found that pot is less harmful than alcohol and tobacco, much less “hard” drugs like cocaine and heroin.

Sources: Journal of the American Medical Association, Journal of Psychopharmacology